Provided that the world doesn’t end on the 21st…
So I was thinking about that last post I wrote and I thought, "huh I think I might have had a sarcastic tone. No that’s my regular tone…wait do I usually come off so sarcastic and a bit cynical I did admit to wanting to be more of an optimist, but also acknowledged that that plan would ultimately fail. Great so I am beyond a doubt a pessimist. I mean not exactly a news flash, but I mean a full fledged pessimist ..well then a lot would make sense. No I’m a realist." Then It hit me. I’m not a pessimist I am a secret optimist If I was a real pessimist then my writing style would not have gotten my attention at all because it would be deemed normal by all sides of my consciousness. By identifying that my writing style was cynical I am saying that to me it is cynical where it might as well be a poem full of daisies and thornless roses. So there you have it. I am a secret optimist.
I realize that although I have proficiently argued my point there is still a sarcastic river flowing underneath this post. My logic is not per say flawed, but skewed due to my trying to understand what exactly I am doing here, and the exact definition of pessimism and optimism. It does not help that I should be sleeping now and almost don’t really care of the status of my writing style, but where’s the fun in that when my mind is reeling at the speed of light.
Secret Optimist over and out.
Wrapped up in thinking I moved on to Philosophy and gradually I became caught up in the Philosophy of Alfred Lord Tennyson ”better to have loved and lost, than have never known love at all.” and I started thinking of why that is true, and who would think the opposite and what they must have gone through to think that way. I became the character and this is me as them. I became the heartless person that knew love. There is a back story to the character, but I feel that it is too long and feel more comfortable just posting this. I wrote it in a diary posting way. idk.
I have not really been blogging in the way I would like to. :P just have not. So I’ll give it a lick. Today I woke up later than I have been normally. Stayed up late listening writing a song for one of my friends and talking too. Listened to Queen and David Bowie. Fell asleep. Woke up and I did some laundry, until the washer started making noises like it wanted to eat my toes. Started reading one of my Astronomy books. Finished one chapter so I will move on to reading about the String Theory or Quantum Physics. Might take ideas and post them to Xetrov. Don’t know yet. I have to finish making a knot blanket for my grandmother. Should vacuum and then do some dishes. Then I need to find some paperwork to finish on of the job applications. I also need to do my conspiracy theory post for Xetrov. It’s not going to be about religion today. I will continue to Listen to my love, David Bowie and probably go ask my magic 8 ball smore questions ;)
So things are not terrible. However I got off to a rough start this morning. I woke up at 10:50am which means I probably was mentally unaware of myself hitting the snooze button a million times. I thought, “Geez I woke up late, oh well I have forty minutes.” I thought I had forty minutes. I reached up to grab my schedule to see what class I had today and where it was and I saw that in reality my class started at 11am. I had less than ten minutes to get ready for my class. I admit that I did think about just missing it and taking a shower. No my better side won. Thank God. Anyways I brush my teeth, put clothes on rather rapidly, made sure I had my keys, phone and vanished out of my apartment. I was going to run but I am clumsy and I know for a fact that would have not gone over well. So kept a fast pace passing those walking in peace. I got to my class only nine minutes late and found a seat. I asked the girl behind me if I missed anything important and it so happens I missed a fun slide and she mentioned that he is really cool. I was really disappointed that I missed that but I was relieved that I at least got there. We later introduced ourselves telling everyone our name, major and one of the interesting fact questions on the board. When it came to me I of course said my name and that I was undecided and then I said, “My favorite movie is The Dark Crystal.” I swear at that moment he did the Lord Chamberlain whimper and replied, “interesting.” So far I like this guy.
Then I headed on over to my other class. It was pretty refreshing. Although I pretty much became one of the Criminal Minds agents as I started analyzing everything about him. Even stranger is that I was right about everything I saw, which is not bad at all. I exchanged “buddy cards” with the two girls sitting beside me. Then the teacher tells us to write down something that makes us feel unique. The girl to my left and I started talking about how we could not think of anything. I decided to write that I have a calico cat named Italy. She said that she just wrote where she works. Once the calling of facts started by which we would then stand it became apparent that I could have written just about anything than telling the whole class that I am a cat lady in the making. So anyways I learned some pretty neat and unexpected things about the people I will be sharing a class with. One of the people in the class said that they played tennis in high school. I then whisper to the girl next to me, “why didn’t I think of that I could have said I was in marching band.” She then replies that she was also and we start whispering about what instruments we play when I hear, “Come on Calico cat anyone?” Everyone was laughing probably thinking I didn’t want to admit I was the cat person so I stand up and say I was talking and my name. Then my professor said, “and that’s why we pay attention in class.” Although I did not detect any malice from the statement which I thank to the environment before laughing that I didn’t immediately come forth to my cat fact. He ended class early and I came back to my dorm and took a shower.
I also thought I had lost my scholarship because I got an A, B and 2C’s but no I am okay. Oh and my English professor plays WOW. I so far I like all my professors. Oh and I am very proud of my cat To let the world know. She is the best cat in the world! :)
Yet another set of classes start at 11:30 in the morning. Not really that bad considering I had 8 o’clock classes last semester but still. When it sunk in that I am paying for this it just makes things a bit more…different. Although different is not a bad thing. Not at all. Especially since this semester I have a lot of different going on. New classes. New roommate. New perspective. I plan on hanging out a lot more and writing a ton more. Oh and hopefully a New License and Car and New Job.
As of now I need to put away my laundry and start some New Dreams. :)
I have my tumblr account attached to my Facebook because writing is who I am and I am not really on Facebook so I think it keeps me social to a degree but I always wonder who actually reads my posts. Besides the people that follow me and if they actually find it interesting and decide to continue reading. Not that I terribly mind whether or not they do because I’m just going to keep on writing but it is a curious matter.
Sometimes I wish I was anonymous on tumblr and the people that know me did not know who I was on here. Then I would have less limitations. I could just write whatever the I want, and I do for the most part. However I am not yet as much of a bad ass as I would like and still filter my posts. I will get there but as of now I am not. The funny thing about this is that some of you actually have no clue who I am. Remarkable and creepy and flattering all at the same time. :) I do have a tactic of creating characters that I have used in the past that no one seems to realize who I am referring to so I might just revert back to that. I would like that. win win win.
I have had a lot of tea today. Quite random I know but still writing make me feel good. I do not know why but I have this nasty feeling I cannot shake. I think it has to do with the load of work I have to do this month in addition to the caffeine I have had. I also did not go to the gym so I am feeling guilty about that but I got to see a good friend today that I have not seen in a while. I am also very glad of the head I have because although it may not be perfect it is in good shape. I think I am home sick but if I were to go home I would be bored sick. Not to be rude but my mother is actually sick and I could go see my cat but I know I will be slightly more productive here. I also found out that I like a healthy medium between my old room(super colorful hippie) to my now room(dark and serious). Dark with a splash of color. Still not feeling to supreme but maybe later.